Don't Answer the Phone!

(1980) *

Bearing a distracting resemblance to The King of Queens, Vietnam vet Kirk Smith is a professional photographer who likes to stalk pretty women by driving around town and convincing them to model for him. Of course by “model” I mean strangle. In between choking buxom beauties Kirk likes to call a local radio show in order to taunt the female psychologist host. We soon learn that Kirk’s victims are all clients of this psychologist and this is where Kirk finds his prey. Will the two ridiculous cops on this case be able to stop Kirk before he kills again?

“Don’t Answer the Phone!” repeats the same sequence of events approximately 7 times before it ends;

1. A pretty female patient is seen in a therapy session.

2. Kirk stalks her and convinces her to come to his studio for a photo shoot.

3. Kirk proceeds to rape and strangle her but not before tearing open her shirt to reveal nice big boobs (never a bra, of course).

4. Kirk calls the radio station to taunt the host.

5. Repeat

My favorite moment of the film was seeing this crazy Bee Gees billboard in the background early on in the story,

Apparently “Don’t Answer the Phone!” has some cult status but I would be damned if I knew why. I chose this because I like movies that tell me what to do in the title. This film would be a nice double feature with “Don’t Open this Door!”

Don’t Watch this Movie!