A Very Crystal Mathy Wrap-Up

I'd better get this out before civilization collapses and we have to power our electronic devices via bicycle.

This year I set two goals for myself: beat JSP (last year we tied at 23 movies reviewed), and watch fifty movies. I'm pleased to say that I achieved both, watching 55 movies and reviewing 51 of them. Having said that, if Horrorthon has taught me anything, it is that watching scary movies is therapeutic. October has signified change for me in the last two years. Last year I was dealing with a crazy housemate and ended up moving out, and this year I quit my job teaching in the "blackboard jungle" of downtown Oakland and am reassessing the role I want to play as an educator.

Anyway, 51 movies seemed like the right number to review this year. It's exactly one movie more than my personal goal, and it's divisible by three. I didn't exactly follow a formula or theme other than I didn't want to watch a bunch of crap, but when it came to crunch time anything was game and that's how I ended up with Pighunt or Hunger.

So after much deliberation, here are my 2012 Horrorthon picks:

Best Overall Film: Targets

I could recommend this movie to anyone and I truly believe that its quality and affect on the soul surpasses anything that could be made (or remade) today.

Biggest Bloodbath: Splinter

The characters were stereotypical and potentially annoying, but the nature of the nastiness of this movie made me forget about it all.

So Bad It’s Good: Slugs

We've underestimated these garden pests for the last time.

Most Disturbing: Audition

There were so many surprising elements of this film, and after watching it I had more questions than before.

Most Obscure: Lady Frankenstein

I'm always on the look for campy titles and now I'm inspired to seek out Lady Dracula and other B-movie monster spinoffs.

Unintentionally Funny: ants!

Worst Film: The Wicker Tree (and how!)

There were so many screwy things that made this movie unwatchable.

Scariest Film: Poughkeepsie Tapes

Sandwiched between the "interviews" of FBI agents are some of the most spine-tingling images of this documentary-style horror film.

Scream Queen: Patricia Owens/Helene from The Fly (1958)

Hottest Hottie: Adrien Brody in Splice

He adds a sexy complexity to any character he portrays. I never knew geneticists could have such awesome taste in music and dress with such swag as he.